Change Starts Here

This post was written a month ago about the same person who inspired the last post. I decided not to post it after it was written and saved it as a draft. I’m posting it now in its original entirety to make a point—people don’t change overnight. I witnessed his disregard for hurting others and, because I didn’t take that as I sign, I ended up being one of the people hurt. It’s OK, though, because I learned from the experience and we cannot be friends any time soon, but people do change, so I’m hoping he learns how to treat people better in the future. I say this, so you know that I’m not above making the same mistakes as everyone else. I am able to learn from them and do better in the future, just like all of you.

Stay amazing. -Brianti

I had a discussion with someone last night that opened my eyes in a way that I couldn’t ignore. It made such an impact that I couldn’t sleep until I wrote this down (and I have to be awake early tomorrow). The discussion started with what merits an apology and it ended by discussing a person’s intent versus the way their actions are perceived.

I think this discussion has so much merit in the way we live today. We say things to one another that don’t seem disrespectful or hurtful to us, but can be perceived that way. When we are hurt or disrespected by these comments, we don’t speak up because we would hate to be seen as overly sensitive.

There’s no such thing as “overly sensitive.” Because we cannot know someone until, as the saying goes, we “walk two moons” in their shoes, you cannot judge the way someone reacts. Emotions aren’t standard. Those of us who are quicker to cry, weren’t born with glitches in our system. Our reactions are based on previous experiences and we shouldn’t deny them because we feel we will be judged.

What you intend means almost nothing. Perception is everything. When I talk to someone who refuses to apologize for the incorrect perception of their words, it’s sad. The idea the person had that there was no reason to apologize was the worst part.

Whether we like it or not, we will put in positions where we dictate the way a person feels. Sure, it’s a lot of pressure to be responsible for the emotions of others, but we cannot make real connections with people if we do not enter those situations. We also cannot grow as people until we accept the power we can have over the emotions of others and the power others can have over our own emotions.

I’m not saying we should let someone rule our emotions, but it’s OK to be hurt by someone’s words or actions. People aren’t made of stone. If you are hurt, don’t shut up about it—speak up, so the other person can correct their manners in the future.

Nothing good ever came of silencing your feelings.

Like I said in the last post, never apologize for who you are but always apologize for hurting someone.

I still do have some exciting news to share with you guys and it’s coming next week. Follow the blog on twitter or “like” it on Facebook, so you’ll be one of the first to know.