Change Starts Here: Archive

Making Body Peace

I moved the blog to change-starts-here.com, but I’ll still try to re-post content here when I can. I haven’t been able to post much lately because I just started a magazine, but I haven’t forgotten about you! Thanks for the support, Tumblr loves! I was showing a close friend a new dress I bought and I told her I was going to wear a vest with it to cover “my...

Dec 8th

Who Run the World?

About 8 hours after my college graduation, I was in the midst of what I like to call and pre-quarter-life crisis. At 22 years old, I can’t call it an actual quarter-life crisis, but I started exhibiting some of the symptoms, like sadness and insecurity about where I am in my life. The crazy part about it all is that I have a full-time job lined up with a company I’ve been with for a...

May 25th

Happy Valentine's Day

I originally wasn’t going to write this post, but I saw too many girls on my blog dashboard sad today. My favorite version of the story of St. Valentine is about a priest. When Cladius II of Rome declared it illegal to marry because he found unmarried men made better soldiers, Valentine performed marriages for young lovers in secret. He was executed for his actions. Valentine’s Day...

Feb 15th

4 notes

Something To Think About: Images of South Africa

I saw a photo once of two women carrying another women. The woman being carried was old and frail, but the women carrying her could have only been about ten years younger. But they took on the burden because she had to do something very important—vote for Nelson Mandela for President of South Africa. I was only 16 or 17 years old at the time, but I remembering thinking that we should be...

Nov 19th

1 note

somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff

Last week, I went to the midnight showing of Tyler Perry’s film adaptation For Colored Girls, which is based on Ntozake Shange’s choreopoem For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/When The Rainbow Is Enuf. I had been skeptical, but my fears were quickly put aside by the stellar cast. The only problem were these women in the audience. They laughed and laughed. And laughed. There...

Nov 13th

2 notes

Something to Think About: Intent vs. Perception

This post was written a month ago about the same person who inspired the last post. I decided not to post it after it was written and saved it as a draft. I’m posting it now in its original entirety to make a point—people don’t change overnight. I witnessed his disregard for hurting others and, because I didn’t take that as I sign, I ended up being one of the people hurt....

Oct 31st

Who made you king of anything?

When I was attempting to write the post about oppression, something didn’t feel right. I think that’s because I knew something would happen to help me find inspiration. I am the first to realize that there are things about my personality that will clash with others. Not everyone is meant to get along with everyone and that’s fine. When things end badly, one of you can end up...

Oct 19th

New Blog Sneak Peek

I’ve been crazy busy catching up with work/school after being sick for longer than I care to admit because I didn’t go to the doctor until I felt like I was at death’s door. There’s been a lot about teen suicides making the news lately and I feel like I’m doing a disservice to you guys buy not addressing bullying as a form of oppression. We oppress ourselves by...

Oct 9th

lindamcinnis asked: I'd like to suggest some addtional suggestions on how to make changes in how you feel. Change is hard but there are many ways to jump start it - littel bits at a time.

Oct 8th

lovingyourself asked: i just started up a self-love blog that is almost like this one, and i was wondering if you could promote me?
http://lovingyourself.tumblr.com
(: stay beautiful x

Oct 8th

lindamcinnis asked: This blog is fantastic - couldn't come at a better time. I've been quite down for several months and this was like a breath of fresh air.

I do have a suggestion or two - look at the work of Emile Coue on autosuggestion and how it has the power to shape how you feel about yourself.

You are a strong, beautiful person for doing this blog and thank you so much!

Oct 8th

Don't Be an Evil Stepsister

There’s an essay by Toni Morrison, entitled “Cinderella’s Stepsisters,” that has intrigued me for years. While the essay is teeming with amazing quotes, there’s one that strikes me everytime: “I want not to ask you, but to tell you not to participate in the oppression of your sisters.” The same things Cinderella’s stepsisters did to her is what we...

Sep 24th

Something to Think About: Selfish Time

Sometimes it’s OK to just think about yourself. Being a friend, sister and daughter on top of a student, can leave little time for you. As I you read this, I am taking my own selfish time this week (I pre-scheduled this post). I haven’t done it for a whole week since right after high school graduation because this much time is only needed in extreme circumstances, but it’s good...

Sep 17th

I Think It's About Forgiveness

It took me a long time to come to this conclusion, but I think forgiveness is the most powerful emotion in the world. Without it, there would be no room for love to grow. I’ve learned this not only through experience but also through watching other people. I don’t know anyone who’s truly capable of love that has a grudge against someone else. As a minority woman, we have to...

Sep 12th

Searching for Unity

“I am because we are.” I heard those words for the first time yesterday and the world made sense. My existence made sense. The quote is an African Ubuntu, or philosophy. It means we are dependent on one another; that we need to help one another. This a philosophy women should really live by. We all have struggles in life, but instead of realizing that we can only get through...

Aug 28th

Aug 23rd

Something to Think About: Under Too Much Pressure?

A couple of days ago, I was telling my friend about a girl who seemed to be taking on more than she could handle. My friend turned the tables around and asked, “Are you taking more than you can handle?” That was an excellent question and she was right. My major is very competitive, so I’ve been interning with at least once place (usually two) constantly since last June,...

Aug 23rd

Don't Settle For Less

This week, I encountered two very different young women: one who refuses to settle for anything and another who is set on giving up her dreams. They are my inspiration for this post. When I was 15, I decided that I wanted to be like Atoosa Rubenstein, the editor of Seventeen at the time. I wanted to devote my life to finding a way to reach young women and make their lives better, so they...

Aug 13th

Mirror, Mirror

I am pretty much in love with “Operation Beautiful.” It’s a movement to make women feel better about themselves by encouraging everyone to post notes on public mirrors (i.e. the ladie’s bathroom at a restaurant) with positive phrases written on them. I was looking through the newest batch of uploads last week when I had a thought—how many of us actually look at...

Aug 5th

Jul 30th

122 notes

Love Your Body, No Matter What the World Tells You

I love fashion (seriously, I subscribe to about 50 fashion blogs on Google Reader) and I’ve always thought that clothes were made to fit you, not the other way around. There are funny quotes about the relationship between weight and fashion, like the one from Bride Wars when Kate Hudson’s character proclaims, “You do not alter a Vera (Wang wedding dress) to fit you, you alter...

Jul 28th

3,157 notes

A Special Message from Brianti

I know that I haven’t been doing my job very well. The last post I did was two months ago and before that it had been even longer since I’d sat down and done a blog. I want you to know that I wasn’t just sitting around and not thinking about the blog. There were some things in my life that I needed to get together because you can’t be helping people when you have...

Jul 22nd

Conversations with Black Women: Levels of...

This is the first in a continuous series about topics taken from conversations I’ve had with black women. We were having a discussion in my African-American literature class and somehow got on the topic of hair. Some women stood behind their natural locks, while others flipped their relaxed tresses and proclaimed their love for perms. Then there were the women with weaves who said they...

May 15th

Something to Think About

I was at a rehearsal for a group that consists of mostly Black women. One girl stopped rehearsal (literally, in the middle of rehearsing) and criticized another for wearing a winter hat and shorts. A few rehearsals later, the same rude girl tells to the same girl (who was previously wearing the shorts) that she sang well at the Soul Train Awards because her hair looked like Fantasia’s. ...

Apr 24th

Who Are You, Really?

I talk a lot. I talk fast. I’m pretty shy around people I don’t know, but I warm up easily. I always say what I’m thinking, which usually ends up being perceived as rude. I don’t believe in being politically correct. I hate to be wrong, but I try to admit it when I am. I think all the world’s problems can be solved by truly loving one another. I hate waking up on...

Feb 3rd

Something to think about...

Out of hundreds of friends, associates and contacts, I only have six really close friends. There used to be a lot more. I had about nine best friends in high school and a lot more people I was close with, but I let a lot of those friendships go when I realized some of these people did not have my best interests at heart. It was hard to let go of friendships you’ve had for years, some my...

Dec 3rd

Crying Over Spilled Milk

I have done the Vagina Monologues for the past two years. I have just done small parts, but it’s been fun because it contributes to something I have chosen to dedicate my life to—helping women. This year, I wasn’t chosen to be a part of the cast. To say I am crushed would be an understatement, but I know there is no use crying over spilled milk. Your life doesn’t always...

Nov 25th

Testing Limits

It’s registration time. That means countless time spent planning out your life and waiting in line for half-an-hour at your adviser’s office just to ask a simple question. This time also brings out one of the questions I hate most, “Who knows any easy classes I can take?” This question has even caused a Facebook group about easy classes at the university to come into...

Nov 10th

Loving the skin you're in

When I was a little girl, I remember asking my mother what color my eyes were. When she told me they were dark brown, I was in love with them immediately. When I found out my skin was brown, I fell in love with it, too. Because I want everyone else to feel the same, it’s hard for me to be at a meeting with Black women and hear one of them say, “I’m trying to stay red.” And...

Oct 14th

Something to think about...

There’s something infuriating about a woman who tries to act stupid. I saw a girl ask how to plug in a radio and then act giddy while reading the “Hello” that flashed across the speaker’s LED screen. It may not have bothered me if she hadn’t just plugged it in nonchalantly an hour before with no problems when she didn’t think anyone was looking. Is it that...

Sep 20th

Embracing Your 'Blackness'

I’ve been put in a lot of positions lately where I have had to defend my “Blackness.” Apparently because I haven’t felt the need to learn to cornrow hair, love shopping at the GAP and understand Tyler Perry’s reasons for using Madea in his movies, I’m not Black. Honestly, these comments bother me. I don’t think “Blackness” exists. I think...

Sep 7th

Before you put away your suitcase

When you’ve finally finished unpacking (admit it, you haven’t finished), I want you to put a few things in your suitcases before you put them away for the year. The first thing you need to put away is your insecurities. Think of all the things that make you self-conscious, like your lips, your thighs or your nose, and put them away. You can even write them down on a piece of paper and...

Aug 26th

Something to think about...

As a new school year starts, we need to be mindful of why we are in college and what it took to get us here. Years ago, no one established a school and decided to let black people enroll immediately. People fought and died so we could get something most of them had been denied—a good education. Even though we have come far, women have had a hard time gaining respect; especially black women....

Aug 23rd

Just Like Black Barbie

Is any part of us real? Acrylic nails. Synthetic hair. Padded bras. Colored contacts. Fake eyelashes. Make-up. Eye shadow. Mascara. Eyeliner. Lip stick. Lip gloss. Lip liner. There is nothing real about us. We are constantly trying to be Black Barbie. We want the long, straight hair and porcelain skin; the pretty brown eyes and long lashes. I think we want more than Black Barbie’s looks. She has...

Aug 2nd

Jul 21st

Something to think about...

I was watching Carmen Jones for the first time and I thought about the films we have to watch now. Carmen Jones is an black opera (Beyonce did a sub-par MTV remake called “Carmen” a few years ago). Specifically, it is the story of a woman who ruins a man when he falls in love with her. What amazing me most is that in 1954 we had a film with black people doing opera (their voices...

Jul 19th

Update your (maturity) status.

Nothing is quite as gossip-worthy on the internet as a Facebook status directed at someone. It’s usually something like, “You tricks think you bad. Please try me tomorrow. I’ll show ya’ll who’s really bad.” My threat might be a little different than the usual language, but the message is there: If you mess with me again, I’ll make you wish you were never...

Jul 16th

“Living a life is like constructing a building: if you start wrong, you’ll...”

– Maya Angelou

Jul 15th

Divided We Fail

When the news about Chris Brown abusing Rhianna came out, I shed a tear for all women. It may be old news to most of you, but it helped me realize how women don’t stick by one another in the worst of situations. After the news came out, I was getting invited to groups in support of Chris Brown. After I tagged some of my friends in a Facebook note, in which I gave them the link to the Chris...

Jul 15th